My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize