the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
