just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
