After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
