My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
