I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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