So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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