just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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