Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
