thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
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