I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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