I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
