Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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