Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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