The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize