Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
