I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
