this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
