Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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