Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
