K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
