oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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