When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
