it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
