For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
