so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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