I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
