I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can I color on your dick again?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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