Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
