I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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