i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
