just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
