We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
