Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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