So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
