Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
