The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
