Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
