My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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