shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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