you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
