all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You made out with two different species that night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
