my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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