I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
