i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
