There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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