I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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