You're my little dorito
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
