pedialite and red bull = repair kit
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize