uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
