well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
