You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
