I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
