I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
