not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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