And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
