Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
