I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
