ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
