Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
