We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
