Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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