Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
