you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
