strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm at about main and main street
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
