youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
