her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
