if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
