Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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