mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
