it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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