I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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