i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
